I had a light bulb come on in my fractured brain today, “Maybe WordPress has and app so I could actually write all the crap in my head that I want to blog ON MY BLOG before I forget it yet again.” and sure enough here it is! I will probably be making A LOT more posts now.
So, what fantastic thought was it I wanted to write about again??? It’s been about, no, less than two hours (driving home from the city, with the family, and a migraine– for which I broke a temporary fasting and got stoned to ease the pain). I have a vague memory of a couple ideas:
1. I like the way my hands feel on me. When my mother would stroke me tenderly or that feathering petting motion she would do when she was upset about something I think, it seemed irritating–not loving as I think she intended. [Now, as I ponder this, and it occurs to me that my grandmother cared for me so much as a toddler, I wonder if she did not do a similar action-but with different emotion that I would find more soothing. When I think about it I feel the memory of both my grandmothers being “patters” in their soothing techniques. So perhaps this is why my mother’s stroking felt misplaced?]
What’s worse however, is that my husband has this same stroking technique when he is holding hands, or has a hand on my thigh. Even worse is that I find myself do thing this do others! Animals I can understand and some forms of petting can feel nice on a person, but this particular feathering is just annoying, a cat will claw you to shreds for trying it.
So on to the other part of my thoughts I remember and you can see how they connect…
2. I like the way I touch myself, all over my body. The way hands knead into my thighs, caress my belly, cup my breast. I study the way other people touch me. Sometime it is very good; sometimes it is amazing. I wonder if I am looking for someone who can touch my body the way I do, or maybe even better?
I know I need someone who can converse with me the sexuality of the body and the soul, with some kind of intellectual prowess; and yes for good measure The Trinity and Resurrection can be included. The list goes on but we’ll save it for another day….