Stone cold

I am supposed to write to get the shit out of my head. The shit that just keeps talking running scenarios, whipping up expectations, manipulating the world with wishful hedonism, shutting down my brain so I stand catatonic at the sink, painfully blocking out Phineas and Ferb, the fact I need to pee, and muscle tension throughout my body.  I must do the dishes so we can make dinner so I go for my head phone MUSIC will focus my brain, already relaxed and open to suggestions thanks to being high, but then I think WRITE!! Write this amazing weird shit you are thinking about down before you put on music. So I grab my phone and I write so proud that I remembered…but wait…what was I thinking about when this all started?   Sigh….

The title should be a clue…Stone cold…like the goal for my heart…
See anything can get me thinking. I know I am a warm, empathic person; a natural care-giver but one who trains people to care for themselves, I want to help you help yourself…I hate being served like I might be privileged or worse HELPLESS!! I don’t want to see anyone else feeling that way.

When I look at a man, I need to see the same qualities. I need to see that he expects me to take care of myself while we are working, fighting, and loving beside each other. I don’t want my strength and courage and teasing of him to be something he is afraid of I want him to play back, sharpen our skills against each other. I would hope that would make me more attractive…are there strong men who love a woman’s bitchiness as her strength so she can fully love her warrior womanhood? TV seems to tell us there are but that’s all fictional…so where do the women with hearts that seem hard, but are soft and practical, women who don’t do shallow emotions because they don’t scratch the hard surface, woman who aren’t ashamed to say “I am woman, I can fuck birth and kill, stand beside me!” Where do we fit in??

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