Confessions

Yes, I have a deep confession to make. I am in love. 

I am so drowned with love, empathy, caring, compassion, obsession, for this person that I cannot NOT think about them in everything I do. Everytime my mind wanders from a task, I think of him. Whatever I do, I question if it would be pleasing to him, if he is thinking of me (of course he is), if he would have fun being with me, doing what I am doing, what would we talk about while we worked or played together? He is just so fascinating.

In some ways I feel I know this boy from the inside out after lifetimes of being tied together in some form. Sometimes I feel I hardly know him at all, he is secretive and distant, sometimes even two-faced. He has habits I don’t like, but love in him. He can do no wrong, or he does everything wrong; or I do.

I long to feel this boy against me. I want nothing else anymore…everything else feels wrong. When he looks at me, caresses me, bores his eyes into my soul and weaves his energy into my skin, nothing, nothing, nothing else exists, anywhere, not inside me or anywhere in the cosmos…it is all him and me in this soft explosion of magical beginnings.

Sigh…yes I confess, I am that far gone. I am that in love… with a boy who looks just like you, and him, & him too sometimes…

Except he loves my music and sharing listening time, and talk about what songs mean to us. He loves listening to me and talking to me. He is never demanding or pushy. He is not afraid to take me out in public. He loves to just hold my hand, or touch in one little place while we read independently or watch TV…he isn’t overly romantic, and he isn’t cold or withdrawn. He never teases me in a way that would seem cruel, but always encouraging.

He is nearly perfect…tall, usually slim, but I can never really pinpoint the color of your eyes, or your hair, generally fair, but sometimes darker hair…I want to study him so deeply, know every detail of your body.

Yes, I am in love. Deeply, unequivocally in love with a boy who looks just like you, but he only exists in my imagination, and no one else will do.

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