okay, so long story short, the divorce is finalized, just waiting to get the papers in the mail.  i finished Massage therapy school and am hoping to get my license (need to fix id and take state exam) and am seeing an older gentleman (Stoner Boy) and a younger man (my lottery ticket i call him LOL no reference to money at ALL).  but beyond that, I have lost 40 pounds and am so incredibly happy with life I really have to pinch myself.


So what drove me to write tonight? Love.  The Bible tells us to love our neighbors as ourself, but we tend to ignore the LOVE YOURSELF PART. I mean how can we love anyone else if we are so disgusted with ourselves?? I am a sinner. I was born to sin. Sinning can be rather fun. But what is sin? nothing more than something we are afraid we will be judged for! Let’s take the extreme, the easiest example of sin, food. Many cultures, religions and individuals believe it is a sin to eat certain meats, or combinations of foods. But our body was made to process these foods and as the DNA that makes us becomes more and more devolved we need the building blocks that come from the beasts JUST TO CONTINUE AS A SPECIES. So Christ comes and says, eat it all, but don’t tell someone they can’t or they have to, let them make that choice for themselves. {because really Christianity from the get go was all about CHOICE, free will, but we will save that oration for later.}   So if right there God is telling us NOT TO JUDGE WHAT SOMEONE EATS and earlier he tells us not to cast stones unless we are sinless, and he tells us to love each other as ourselves….doesn’t this all just to easily and logically tell us that SIN IS GONE, and if you LIVE IN LOVE you should not fear sin, because it isn’t there!!


what is love? Where is love? how do we love? let’s start with “perfect love casts out fear”.  why are we afraid of each other? racism, religion, culture, what-ev-er! we fear each other because we don’t love each other. we don’t love each other because we have not compassion for each other. We have no compassion because we JUDGE… and yes “accountability” is fucking JUDGEMENTAL. we judge ourselves and then we turn those eyes out and hold others to the standards we wish we could hold ourselves but of course we fall short of those “if I was perfect” standards. where did this fucked up idea of “good’ vs. “evil” come from…oh lets say…EGO.  I want. I am better. I deserve. So what makes me better? I don’t do  blah blah blah… but you wish you could, and that is just the same! so be honest. admit your failings and embrace those around you who fail in the same way. We don’t all fight the same battles. We can’t all be the same people, but it all levels out. your sin is my sin his his and hers…”not one sin is greater than another” so take sin out of the equation. and be honest, and be loving. don’t hurt people, love people, don’t’t judge with your eyes, your silence, your cold, or self-righteousness. love them. see that they are the same as you. Mother father, people who are important to them, people who love them and whom they love. Do those things that make you afraid to stand out to rock the boat, do the things that truly bring you Joy and Happiness, because if you are unhealthy, you are unhappy. you are holding onto things that you are judging in YOURSELF  So obey the greatest commandment, LOVE YOURSELF, AS YOU LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR, AND VICE-VERSA.


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