Crushing…

“Hi, my name is Mom, and I am addicted to falling in love.”

So yeah, I am officially single. The idea of growing old alone and slowly turning crazy from the lack of companionship is pretty damn scary for me. I remind myself, YOU LIKE TO BE ALONE!  I like picking what media I listen to, when and what I eat, how I decorate my surroundings–seriously all things I have not really gotten to do for …well my whole life but especially since I lost having my own room at either of my parents and got married.

So divorce is final. Three yr long affair has gone off the radar; and Stonerboy, while being older and my best friend ever, sometimes he just feels like I have to take more care of him than I do a child. There are too many “not again”s for me to be satisfied with any person for long term, but oh I can crush!

Warning: I WILL crush on you. It doesn’t take much for me to like someone enough to flirt with them. if thwy flirt back and I like it, then the more they do that I like the more I will crush!

My ex ruined this little head game I play by making me fantasize pornagraphically and tell him the storiws details from my imagination with a friend of his and then telling me my imagination was “not that good” so it must have been real. But he was there! We were never alone! This is why I dont erotica, few people believe “I made it all up”.
SO now I am single. The world is a candy store…but I want to choose wisely and not be a gluttonous slut.  The swinging lifestyle surely appeals to me, but I dont want to go it alone; I want a mentor, and protector, to show me the ropes (pretty sure I can tie the knots myself).  I still crush on Stonerboy, he is handling the “breakup” so well and still being such a great friend–if the perfect kiss doesnt come along, I can totally see growing old with him and being pretty happy-but I am not ready to grow old yet. Mr.Perfect turned 35 and moved away, no forwarding address (I could still find him at work but really need to not be a stalker) but when I think of him, totally crushing. Then there is the new Sobstory, he could be cousins with Mr.Perfect, but oh so much more….talkitive, open, helpful! But…I have decided to keep myself completely unattached for…well hopefully I can last a month. But I want to be as sure about myself and the next relatiinship as I can be. I do not want any more crushes to turn into heartache for me or them.

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