Self loathing

When I hate the world, I hate myself more for not being kind and loving.

When I hate myself, I dont want to be around anyone because I know I can feel nothing they feel.

My own feelings run rampant in self abuse must be kind musy love allow the hate for the anger and confusion I feel to pass through me and burn in the light where it is too bright for me to see. Let me slink into the safety of the blackness. Heaven is not what I was taught as a child, a utopian paradise of dreams and imagination the peace of the heaven I dream of is a void a blackness the light is energy colors and patterns the firing of universal synapses as I watch from outside the storm…therein do I long to be. In the nothing that is everything and I am not emotion but simply consciousness.

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