DIVORCE

Suggested post from: https://yoursexinterview.com/2020/06/15/your-sex-questions-set-8-divorce/

Question 1: Did your divorce come suddenly after something happened or was it a while (or long time) in coming? Did you or your spouse put it off for too long do you think?

I waited for too long, kept trying to “fix” things. He was trying too but could never face the deeper sexual issues. He pushed my triggers and I pushed his back. He finally broke and filed, which did kind of surprise me, but was also a relief.

Question 2: Was the marriage ever good (or great) before things went bad?

It was magically romantical. I truly thought it would be a lifetime.

Question 3: Do you think it was a bad choice to ever marry them or were there no signs that anything could go wrong? (we hear of some who knew they had made a mistake on their wedding day).

We had eight children. We were committed to making it last, braking the cycle of divorce our parents had started.

I believed the marriage was “God Ordained and blessed”. Each child restored my faith and made me believe God could heal where we were broken individuals so we could be complete partners. I learned “healing” has to be wanted and it’s manifestation accepted; partners can heal and grow apart.

Question 4: Did you have sex with your ex before marriage? Sex with anyone else before marriage?

I had been with ten, maybe fifteen, people before the marriage. I didn’t see the red flag that him liking my experiences, and wanting to hear the stories retold repeatedly, while we were being intimate would be the crack in our foundation.

Question 5: How was sex with the ex? Was the sex good? Good and then diminished perhaps? Never great? Was sex important or not so important to you? How important was it to them?

The sex was great! I had dejevu one of our first times recalling a wet dream of being fucked just the way he was doing.

Even him being ten years older he kept up with me, our record was 27 times in less than 24 hours! He always wanted it hotter and nastier, and I grew accustomed to my “bad girl” fantasies being his big turn on.

The troubles came when he didn’t like the baby weight I gained and I wanted to make his dreams come true. I always thought what good is fantasizing about something that could be made real? But the reality of his “hot wife” fantasies was too much for him to face and I grew mentally unstable from being slut shamed between being gaslighted into “bad girl” behaviour.

Question 6: Have you had sex with your ex since divorce? Or, have either of you made any attempts to make it happen? Do you ever think about or miss making love with your ex?

Shortly after the seperation he did an underhanded move of setting up a fake account and friending me with the guise of setting up a three-way. The fake identity suggested I get with my ex to see if we could still be together. It was hot, hood-o-the-car sex under the stars. He was a dick as usual the next day, telling me what an adulteress slut I was wanting a three-way.

Then my first Thanksgiving away from the family I asked, begged, if I could have dinner with the family, (after 25 years of 24/7 parenting, I missed my kids with all my life). He said I could come for dinner if I would have sex with him. I did and it left such a bitterness in my soul, and his I think, that we never broach the subject and he can’t bare to even look at me when our paths cross.

Question 7: Have you had sex with anyone other than your ex since divorce? How was it? Better? Worse? Amazing? Grass wasn’t greener? Thoughts?

Because of the whole “hot wife” situation it wasn’t hard for me at all. I started going “steady” with the rebound just two months after the seperation. He was the perfect rebound, supportive, almost an identical cock, and enough of an asshole to remind me I didn’t want to be tied or monogamous anytime soon.

Finding my own mental stability, healing, choosing relationship with purpose and intent has definitely made the grass greener and the sex more amazing!

Question 8: If the sex with your ex had been amazing and your sex life had been satisfying in every way, would you have wanted to give it more time? Would you never have divorced perhaps? Do you think your ex would feel/answer the same?

I was willing to sacrifice so much of my well-being, I wanted it to last, I still seek therapy to remind me how unhealthy the relationship was and that my kids will be ok and survive him with my love to help them understand the aspects of living with him until they can get away too.

Question 9: Was it weird being sexually intimate with someone new after the divorce? If you haven’t been with anyone else yet, do you feel anxiety or hesitation about sex with someone new? Perhaps you’ve lost all interest in sex? Or, maybe you are enjoying masturbation and prefer to just stick with that?

Refer back to question #7

Question 10: When you first got divorced, how exited were you about the opportunity to have sex with someone new? Was it something you were looking forward to, or perhaps even one of the motivating factors for wanting the divorce?

I think questions 7 & 8 also covers this. I don’t like explaining what a “hot wife” is or drudging up the drama trauma an unstable partner can provoke.

9 comments

  1. Duncan Lory · June 16

    So he wanted you to be dirty and then shamed you for it?

    Anyway, truly fascinating, thoughtful and open answers, thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • NobodyknowsMom · June 16

      Yes. My hell was being asked to tell him stories, real or make believe, about being with others. The more risqué and dirty the story the harder and hotter he would fuck me. The following days would be questions and doubt and attitude about how my story was “too good” too detailed” too real”. He would convince himself it had happened, while getting off on it, telling me it was ok and hot and then growing resentful and punishing me, pushing me away, starting irrational arguments. I spent 15 years trying to find us therapy, trying to convince him that I could not continue keeping the stories fantasies, and was going to seek an affair to validate my reality. When that happened and I crossed that line I had what I can only describe as a mental breakdown. He used that against me too. Now I was a crazy, unstable, succubus and I lived in every word he spoke to me until I he had a vasectomy and I tried to go to vocational college and refused to give up my education and dream career to be “safe” in his care. No place was safe any more and my kids would lose their mother through my crumbling self-worth, and internalised conflict, I was suicidal, and could not do that to my children. Better divorced parents than dead ones, regardless of what some “authority” may try to sell me.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Duncan Lory · June 16

        OMG.

        OMG.

        That’s horrible, I’m so sorry.

        Liked by 1 person

      • NobodyknowsMom · June 16

        Like any trauma, it is part of the journey. I have the choice to let it stunt my growth, or start growing in a new direction. Guess which I choose😘

        Liked by 1 person

      • Duncan Lory · June 16

        I’m sure you’ll choose the smart option. But I am still sorry, you were framed and traumatized.

        Liked by 1 person

      • NobodyknowsMom · June 16

        🙏 thank you

        Like

  2. Duncan Lory · June 16

    These answers by NobodyKnows mom have been permanently featured on Yoursexinter’s all time best answer list here: https://yoursexinterview.com/your-question-sets/

    Liked by 1 person

    • NobodyknowsMom · June 16

      I am honoured. I think your questions are thought provoking, good “self therapy” for anyone willing to be authentic with themselves and others.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Duncan Lory · June 16

        Thank you, I hope people will give my questions a chance. They’re not entirely random.

        Liked by 1 person

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