Suggested post from: https://yoursexinterview.com/2020/06/15/your-sex-questions-set-8-divorce/
I waited for too long, kept trying to “fix” things. He was trying too but could never face the deeper sexual issues. He pushed my triggers and I pushed his back. He finally broke and filed, which did kind of surprise me, but was also a relief.
It was magically romantical. I truly thought it would be a lifetime.
We had eight children. We were committed to making it last, braking the cycle of divorce our parents had started.
I believed the marriage was “God Ordained and blessed”. Each child restored my faith and made me believe God could heal where we were broken individuals so we could be complete partners. I learned “healing” has to be wanted and it’s manifestation accepted; partners can heal and grow apart.
I had been with ten, maybe fifteen, people before the marriage. I didn’t see the red flag that him liking my experiences, and wanting to hear the stories retold repeatedly, while we were being intimate would be the crack in our foundation.
The sex was great! I had dejevu one of our first times recalling a wet dream of being fucked just the way he was doing.
Even him being ten years older he kept up with me, our record was 27 times in less than 24 hours! He always wanted it hotter and nastier, and I grew accustomed to my “bad girl” fantasies being his big turn on.
The troubles came when he didn’t like the baby weight I gained and I wanted to make his dreams come true. I always thought what good is fantasizing about something that could be made real? But the reality of his “hot wife” fantasies was too much for him to face and I grew mentally unstable from being slut shamed between being gaslighted into “bad girl” behaviour.
Shortly after the seperation he did an underhanded move of setting up a fake account and friending me with the guise of setting up a three-way. The fake identity suggested I get with my ex to see if we could still be together. It was hot, hood-o-the-car sex under the stars. He was a dick as usual the next day, telling me what an adulteress slut I was wanting a three-way.
Then my first Thanksgiving away from the family I asked, begged, if I could have dinner with the family, (after 25 years of 24/7 parenting, I missed my kids with all my life). He said I could come for dinner if I would have sex with him. I did and it left such a bitterness in my soul, and his I think, that we never broach the subject and he can’t bare to even look at me when our paths cross.
Because of the whole “hot wife” situation it wasn’t hard for me at all. I started going “steady” with the rebound just two months after the seperation. He was the perfect rebound, supportive, almost an identical cock, and enough of an asshole to remind me I didn’t want to be tied or monogamous anytime soon.
Finding my own mental stability, healing, choosing relationship with purpose and intent has definitely made the grass greener and the sex more amazing!
I was willing to sacrifice so much of my well-being, I wanted it to last, I still seek therapy to remind me how unhealthy the relationship was and that my kids will be ok and survive him with my love to help them understand the aspects of living with him until they can get away too.
Refer back to question #7
I think questions 7 & 8 also covers this. I don’t like explaining what a “hot wife” is or drudging up the drama trauma an unstable partner can provoke.