I want to be loud! I want to be proud of who I am and how I express myself and I’m really tired of feeling like it’s too much for the people around me. Hiding myself is soul crushing I would rather die because I just feel so boxed in cage. I don’t know if this is because of my traumas or my life? I don’t know why it feels like God is inside nagging me to stop hiding.
I’m so sick of trying to fit in; trying to live up to expectations, trying to find myself or a version of myself in the reflections of the people who love me and become a person that I’m happy with that I’m comfortable with that I’m proud of! who also lives up to all the expectations and can take care of herself! and the people that love her because she loves …. because I can’t imagine any other reason to be here.
Yes! I am selfish as fuck! Or could be…
I have the peace that passeth understanding. What makes me so strong? What breaks me every day? Trying to live this life.
I would take the physical beating. I would brave fires of hell. We have made this world, this culture, this rat race, so much of a competition, souls are broken, or souls are blind. What punishment for sin could be worse?
(I think right now, many people feel this way. I think this collective recognition of life in hell, is what brings Revelations.)
Que Sera Sera Vis Mon Amour