It occured to me tonight that I have no one to answer to. I jumped from my parents, to my marriage, to a couple different boyfriends all of whom I had to report: “I am going to the grocery store, I stopped at the thrift store, I need to get gas, I am on my way home…” Right here, right now, NOBODY GIVES A FUCK. I want or need to go to the store it is up to me.i stay at a friends longer than anticipated, don’t have to tell anyone I am running late. It is rather liberating.
Dont get me wrong I know if I went out of contact for more than a week tons of people would be hunting me down; I am loved. (Un deservedly so…) but I am not leashed.
I kind of want to be leashed… I want a man, a relationship, that all the love songs apply to… someone to share things with…someone that pulls me close so we can touch each other when we are just stting… someone I can pull close in the night… someone I can take care of when they are in a funk and someone who wants to take care of me when I am scattered… and that kiss and touch and communication make life easier to life.
I dont want to be tied to eaxh other and answering to each other every second of the day. I dont want to HAVE to do all the dishes, I want somone who can clean up after themselves and be organized more than not. I call him mr perfect but he isnt…he is too skinny and a riddle and he doesnt know how to fight fair or make fun and he does not follow directions well, he learns… but I love him beyond reason… when we finally are together, I know it will be worth the rest of life’s bs.